read what people are saying

Diane Langberg, PHD

Psychologist, Author of Suffering and the Heart of God and On the Threshold of Hope

“I am grateful for Mary’s life and her voice. We in the body of Christ need her. Her voice, along with many others, is the voice of our God calling his people into the light of truth and grace; to comfort the brokenhearted and release the captives. Read this book. Let it get inside you. Let it change you.”

Antwuan Malone

Pastor and Executive Director of ELEVATE YA

“Mary invites everyone to the table with We Too—an honest, vulnerable, grounded, and biblical addition to the conversation of broken sexuality in the church and society. It’s an authentic conversation about where we’ve been, the challenges we face today, and the hope of healing waiting in our tomorrow. Hers is a brave, open, and necessary addition to the conversation of sexual wholeness in God’s church.”

Boz tchividjian

Attorney, law professor, founder and executive director of GRACE, Godly Response to Abuse in Christian Environments

“Too many of our faith communities are not safe places for children and vulnerable people, and they are not safe spaces for the wounded. As a survivor, respected advocate, and prolific writer who loves Jesus and His bride, my dear friend Mary shares why and how to begin the journey of transforming the Church into a community that protects the vulnerable and loves the wounded. This book is an invaluable resource that is so needed by today’s Church. Bravo, Mary!”

Vonda Dyer

CCO Minerva Consulting, Worship Leader, Survivor, Advocate

“This book is a balm to the soul and a resource for the church at large. It is intelligently and discerningly written and initiates a healthy conversation over real and pertinent issues surrounding abuse within the church. #metoo”

Dan B. Allender PHD

Author of The Wounded Heart and Healing the Wounded Heart, Founding President of the Seattle School of Theology & Psychology

We Too is a remarkable and compelling book. Mary DeMuth prophetically calls the church to enter the silence and denial surrounding sexual abuse that has inflicted the body of Christ like a deadly virus. Victims of abuse, their family and friends, and those who shepherd the flock of God will find immense hope and clarity in how we are to find healing for individuals and a restoration of integrity for the church. There could not be a more perfect book for this time.

Dr. Sandra Glahn

Professor, Dallas Theological Seminary and Coauthor of Sexual Intimacy in Marriage

“In We Too, author Mary DeMuth is at her best. She speaks with the credibility of a survivor and as a well-informed expert. Her book helps readers assure that both their interpersonal relationships and faith communities are places of human flourishing. The church has been needing this resource.”

Rev. Dr. Michael F. Bird

Academic Dean at Ridley College in Melbourne, Australia

“Mary DeMuth has written a courageous book about sexual abuse. She rightly calls out churches for their complicity and complete failure to deal with the scourge of sexual violence. She also provides practical advice on what can be done and points to a greater future still to come. This book is necessary reading for anyone in Christian leadership.”

jen pollock michel

Author of Surprised by Paradox

We Too is an essential guide to understanding the life-altering trauma of sexual violence. Grounded in biblical truth, sociological research, and survivor stories, this comprehensive book will help readers wisely navigate the complex relationship between grace and truth, justice and forgiveness. Although I grieve that such a book is necessary, I thank God that Mary DeMuth has written it.”

Glenn R. Kreider

Professor of Theological Studies, Dallas Theological Seminary

“The church must do better when it comes to victims of abuse. This call comes not from a critic or a cynic but a lover of the church, an active member of a community of faith. Mary DeMuth’s book does not merely point out the problems but also explains practical steps for the way forward. If it follows Mary’s advice, the church will become a place of healing for the wounded and abused.”

Leslie Vernick

Counselor, Speaker, and Bestselling Author

“For too long the Church has valued its reputation and the reputation of the accused over the safety and healing of the victim. DeMuth wisely shepherds the Church toward a true biblical narrative demonstrating God’s care and his justice for the oppressed. We Too is a must read for every pastor, ministry leader, and Christian counselor.”

Wade Mullen

Director, Master of Divinity Program, Capital Seminary & Graduate School

“I’m grateful to God that Mary DeMuth’s journey, resilience, compassion, wisdom, and leadership have been shared in these words—words clearly written with a deep love for the hurting and with an undying hope for the Church. We Too is a significant contribution to a Church and society in need of healing, change, and a safer future.”

Susan Seay

Author, Speaker, and Host for the Mentor 4 Moms Podcast

“Instead of hearing voices of comfort and support, most abuse survivors experience silence, even from the church. Women around the world deserve to be believed, and the church not only has a great opportunity, but a responsibility to respond.”

Eric Schumacher

Pastor, Author, and Songwriter

“Mary DeMuth’s We Too is a timely gift to the church. With compassion and vulnerability, she opens a door into the heart, mind, and soul of sexual abuse survivors. With expertise and clarity, she instructs us in responding to sexual abuse and loving survivors. If every church leader and member took this book to heart, the church would be a safe and healthier place.”

Brad Hambrick

Pastor of Counseling at The Summit Church

“Pastors, one of the most important and healing thing we can do for survivors is listen. Mary has given us an excellent opportunity to begin listening in a form we are familiar with—reading a book. If we read biographies of other great saints (and we should), then let us read biographies of those who have faced one the great tragedies of our day—sexual abuse—and maintained a great love for God, the gospel, and the church. Allow reading Mary’s book to be a first step toward listening well to survivors in your church who need you to be the ears of Christ.”

Rebecca Carrell

Speaker, Radio Personality, Author of Holy Hiking Boots

“Mary DeMuth speaks a powerful and prophetic word that is timely and necessary. She courageously and vulnerably shares her experiences and shows her scars in a way that will embolden many others to do the same. We Too should be required reading for every pastor, church leader, and lay minister.”

Wade Burleson

Author, Historian, Pastor

“Mary DeMuth’s gripping and transparent narrative of her own sexual abuse jolts the reader’s emotions and ignites the Christian’s mind. After reading DeMuth’s book, you’ll be convinced that we too must never again be silent in the face of abuse.”

Kim Jones

Director of Engagement, My Refuge Home

“Mary DeMuth has a message that the church needs to hear. We Too is a transparent, thoughtful, raw, and honest account of a problem in the church that no one wants to talk about. But we must. We Too deserves to be widely read by women and men, leaders and laity. Don’t miss it.”

Aaron Graham

Lead Pastor, The District Church

“In We Too, Mary DeMuth offers a prophetic and winsome call to the church to not repeat the mistakes of the past. She courageously shares her own story and writes as someone who loves the church and is committed to its redemptive mission. We must do better as a church, and Mary helps point the way forward. A must read!”

Brian Haynes

Author and Lead Pastor, Bay Area Church (League City, TX)

“Mary DeMuth’s personal story, astute theological applications, and trauma awareness bring clarity to the passivity of the church towards countless men and women bearing the scars of sexual abuse. We Too is painfully necessary and yet filled with the hope of restoration for each person, family, and church affected by sexual abuse.”

Ruth Thorogood

Evangelical Fellowship of Canada Partner

“Mary DeMuth brings wisdom to a difficult topic. She addresses the challenges faced by all the groups that can be impacted by a single act of abuse, while offering insightful yet simple recommendations to ensure things are handled appropriately.”

Bob Rognlien

Author of A Jesus-Shaped Life

“Carefully weaving the teachings of Scripture with her own story and the stories of others who have suffered sexual abuse, Mary DeMuth delivers a powerful wake-up call to the church she loves. Filled with biblical wisdom, factual evidence, and practical principles, We Too is an indispensable resource for anyone who cares about those who have been broken by sexual sin.”

Terri Fullerton

Writer

“We Too is a prophetic call to embody Christ’s healing, love, and justice for those oppressed by the powerful. It will take strength to walk humbly and courage to look at the mess. We can let go of the 30-second conversion narratives and instead sit with those bleeding in our pews. We can be the Good Samaritans again. Mary DeMuth boldly shows us the way.” 

Church leadership, it’s time to talk about sexual abuse

Thanks Cheryl Bowles Summers for sharing the video below. Scroll to halfway through the video to watch an encouraging, difficult, important sermon for those who have suffered sexual abuse. For all you pastors out there afraid to address this subject from the pulpit, it can be done with nuance and compassion. Here's an example.   I'd also like to offer myself as a Sunday morning speaker about the evils of sexual abuse (one of Satan's greatest weapons against humanity). I teach it with a high...

What Does the Bible Say About Women? An Interview with Dr. Sandra Glahn

I'm so grateful to have Dr. Sandra Glahn with us today. She's one of the editors of Sanctified Sexuality, an important book for the church. She agreed to answer some of my questions, and I'm so grateful! What does the Bible say about a woman's worth after she’s experienced sexual exploitation and/or violence? The Bible says absolutely nothing about a woman’s worth after she has experienced sexual exploitation and/or violence, precisely because there is no change whatsoever in her worth after...

Need healing from trauma? Try poetry.

My new friend Linda who is in one of my writer masterminds writes so poignantly about her past abuse. With her permission, I'm posting these pieces to inspire you to give voice to your past. For whatever reason, I, too, do better writing in stanzas than paragraphs when it comes to my healing. Scroll down to the bottom of this post to find out how you can download Linda's free guided poetry journal. Poetry for Healing By Linda L. Kruschke Sweet Scent of Rain The wafting scent of petrichor Will...

Poetry for the Broken

Sabrina gave me permission to share her work. I pray her words bring you healing. Innocence Lost Where did that innocent little girl go? The one with the pigtails, Playing jump rope.   Do you see her smile? Her carefree laughter, Her hair swaying In the breeze.   She’s swinging her legs Letting the sun caress her face.  She laughs before she jumps  To join her friends and join the race.   One night changed everything  She is carefree no more  She’s curled up on her bed  Trying hard to...

What do you do when your spouse has been abused?

I've received permission to share this email and my response. I've changed his name to protect his identity. I would be dishonest if I wrote that it has been easy on our marriage, my past sexual abuse. We walked into marriage with full disclosure, but we both felt fairly cavalier about it. After all, God had "healed" me, right? Yes, and no. He had begun the process, but it would take many years to walk the healing journey, and I am still walking it. For the first few years, we simply didn't...

Happy birthday to my mom who loves life, gardens like a queen, cooks like a chef, and hikes with joy. I’m so grateful for your lessons on grit, positivity, and joie de vivre! ...

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Written four years ago, and the sentiment registers deeply with me. This is precisely the question I am asking myself this week: Lord Jesus, how can I have the most impact?

Where are you finding the sweet spot in gifting and significance?
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This is one of my favorite passages in Corinthians where Paul unmasks himself as weak and broken. The great apostle was human like me and you. And in that weakness, his need for Jesus increased. I'd love to pray for you about that as well, that when you're feeling small, you'll reach out for the big help God gives us.

#prayeveryday #prayeverydayshow #prayingscripture #praythebible #prayer #prayersforhealing #prayerlife
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This is the premise of my book Worth Living. I look at the lies we have believed about our worth and the truth we need to combat those lies.

I am a work in progress about this. I still don’t fully grasp my worth. But I’m learning.

How about you? What helps you believe your worth?
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I know it probably looks different this year, but there is always something to be thankful for. I’m thankful for you! Happy Thanksgiving! ...

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This is one of the prints available at marydemuth.com/art. Starting Wednesday for the next week everything in the shop is 30% off with the coupon code THANKFUL. Happy Thanksgiving! ...

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Waiting for deliverance, particularly during this season, has been difficult to say the least. What are you waiting on God for right now? How can I pray for you about that?

#prayeveryday #prayeverydayshow #prayingscripture #praythebible #prayer
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I have a poem up on @fathom_mag about the different shoes I’ve worn over the years. Certainly a trigger warning (though it’s not explicit) for SA survivors. But I pray redemption shines through even as I recount truthfully the pathway through complex trauma. ...

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2009 and 2019. A lot happened in that decade. It makes me anticipate the good things God will do in this next decade. (Um, 2020 wasn’t the happiest start, though).

In ten years, I hope I’ll still be communicating about the glory of Jesus. I pray I’ll be more in love with him, and that others would see his kindness and patience in me. I hope my scars look more beautiful. I want to be less afraid, not conspiratorial, and more willing to forgive. I would love to be more whole, less scared and jumpy. I want to be marked by infectious joy.

How about you? What qualities to you want to see in yourself in the next decade?
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In case you need this today: 6 ways to pray for a broken or estranged relationship. Number 4 is particularly hard for me.

Which one do you resonate with or struggle with?
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My most recent contemporary fiction is set in @rockwalltexas (Yes, even @zanatarestaurant is mentioned!). It’s a coming of age book about past pain (surprise, surprise), a transformed funeral home, and a love story all in one. Thanks to @zondervan for publishing it! ...

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Sometimes you have to go looking for autumn color in @rockwalltexas :). But we found it (like a treasure) on our walk to #lakerayhubbard yesterday. Grateful. What are you grateful for today? ...

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From the free daily devotional I wrote for you on the #prayeveryday app on iTunes and Google play. Friend, step into your healing story! ...

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My biological father took this picture of me. (Why? Why? What kind of father would think this was ok?) I only discovered this photo last year. It summarizes how I felt as a child—dirty, unkempt, a ragamuffin.

The sexual abuse I endured took on many forms—some overt, many nuanced over the course of several years. It’s no wonder that when I approached my teen years I had a hard time understanding why I had been placed on this earth—other than to be exploited or ignored.

Thank God for Mr. Thomson, my 8th grade school counselor who listened to me and helped me see beneath my ragged (seemingly unwanted) surface. Thank God I started attending @younglife in 9th grade. Thank God I heard the gospel at a weekend camp.

Though I continue to struggle with the tentacles of so much trauma, the fulcrum of healing hinged on that moment when 15-year-old-me encountered the Father who would never leave, exploit, or demean me. Aren’t we all in need of a good Father? I was desperate for one.

If you relate to this photograph, I truly understand. If you still battle past trauma, I’m there with you. My prayer for all those with broken childhoods is this: that healing will come, that you will know your worth, and you’ll experience the love of your Heavenly Father. (Aside: I have struggled to understand the goodness of God because of the sins of my earthly father. It’s still a process, and I continue to have a difficult time receiving love. I don’t want you to have the impression that I’ve got this all buttoned up and shiny.)

Even so, there is hope. You have a future. God sees the journey you’ve walked and is with you. Please don’t give up.
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Everywhere I go, God surprises me with hearts, a sweet reminder of his love. Today? A garland of them. He knew I needed a bit extra today! ...

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To love well means to let go of our expectations of another and, instead, get on our knees and pray about how they hurt us.

And if we have villains in our lives, they don’t need to take up mountains of space in our thought lives. That is the place for God and his good work of necessary healing. It’s not our job to punish those who have hurt us, or to passive-aggressively point out error.

Sometimes we simply need to retreat, let the pain out to the One who understands betrayal, and trust God to unfold his plan.

If you’ve been hurt this week, I’m so sorry. I’m praying for you now.
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