read what people are saying

Diane Langberg, PHD

Psychologist, Author of Suffering and the Heart of God and On the Threshold of Hope

“I am grateful for Mary’s life and her voice. We in the body of Christ need her. Her voice, along with many others, is the voice of our God calling his people into the light of truth and grace; to comfort the brokenhearted and release the captives. Read this book. Let it get inside you. Let it change you.”

Antwuan Malone

Pastor and Executive Director of ELEVATE YA

“Mary invites everyone to the table with We Too—an honest, vulnerable, grounded, and biblical addition to the conversation of broken sexuality in the church and society. It’s an authentic conversation about where we’ve been, the challenges we face today, and the hope of healing waiting in our tomorrow. Hers is a brave, open, and necessary addition to the conversation of sexual wholeness in God’s church.”

Boz tchividjian

Attorney, law professor, founder and executive director of GRACE, Godly Response to Abuse in Christian Environments

“Too many of our faith communities are not safe places for children and vulnerable people, and they are not safe spaces for the wounded. As a survivor, respected advocate, and prolific writer who loves Jesus and His bride, my dear friend Mary shares why and how to begin the journey of transforming the Church into a community that protects the vulnerable and loves the wounded. This book is an invaluable resource that is so needed by today’s Church. Bravo, Mary!”

Vonda Dyer

CCO Minerva Consulting, Worship Leader, Survivor, Advocate

“This book is a balm to the soul and a resource for the church at large. It is intelligently and discerningly written and initiates a healthy conversation over real and pertinent issues surrounding abuse within the church. #metoo”

Dan B. Allender PHD

Author of The Wounded Heart and Healing the Wounded Heart, Founding President of the Seattle School of Theology & Psychology

We Too is a remarkable and compelling book. Mary DeMuth prophetically calls the church to enter the silence and denial surrounding sexual abuse that has inflicted the body of Christ like a deadly virus. Victims of abuse, their family and friends, and those who shepherd the flock of God will find immense hope and clarity in how we are to find healing for individuals and a restoration of integrity for the church. There could not be a more perfect book for this time.

Dr. Sandra Glahn

Professor, Dallas Theological Seminary and Coauthor of Sexual Intimacy in Marriage

“In We Too, author Mary DeMuth is at her best. She speaks with the credibility of a survivor and as a well-informed expert. Her book helps readers assure that both their interpersonal relationships and faith communities are places of human flourishing. The church has been needing this resource.”

Rev. Dr. Michael F. Bird

Academic Dean at Ridley College in Melbourne, Australia

“Mary DeMuth has written a courageous book about sexual abuse. She rightly calls out churches for their complicity and complete failure to deal with the scourge of sexual violence. She also provides practical advice on what can be done and points to a greater future still to come. This book is necessary reading for anyone in Christian leadership.”

jen pollock michel

Author of Surprised by Paradox

We Too is an essential guide to understanding the life-altering trauma of sexual violence. Grounded in biblical truth, sociological research, and survivor stories, this comprehensive book will help readers wisely navigate the complex relationship between grace and truth, justice and forgiveness. Although I grieve that such a book is necessary, I thank God that Mary DeMuth has written it.”

Glenn R. Kreider

Professor of Theological Studies, Dallas Theological Seminary

“The church must do better when it comes to victims of abuse. This call comes not from a critic or a cynic but a lover of the church, an active member of a community of faith. Mary DeMuth’s book does not merely point out the problems but also explains practical steps for the way forward. If it follows Mary’s advice, the church will become a place of healing for the wounded and abused.”

Leslie Vernick

Counselor, Speaker, and Bestselling Author

“For too long the Church has valued its reputation and the reputation of the accused over the safety and healing of the victim. DeMuth wisely shepherds the Church toward a true biblical narrative demonstrating God’s care and his justice for the oppressed. We Too is a must read for every pastor, ministry leader, and Christian counselor.”

Wade Mullen

Director, Master of Divinity Program, Capital Seminary & Graduate School

“I’m grateful to God that Mary DeMuth’s journey, resilience, compassion, wisdom, and leadership have been shared in these words—words clearly written with a deep love for the hurting and with an undying hope for the Church. We Too is a significant contribution to a Church and society in need of healing, change, and a safer future.”

Susan Seay

Author, Speaker, and Host for the Mentor 4 Moms Podcast

“Instead of hearing voices of comfort and support, most abuse survivors experience silence, even from the church. Women around the world deserve to be believed, and the church not only has a great opportunity, but a responsibility to respond.”

Eric Schumacher

Pastor, Author, and Songwriter

“Mary DeMuth’s We Too is a timely gift to the church. With compassion and vulnerability, she opens a door into the heart, mind, and soul of sexual abuse survivors. With expertise and clarity, she instructs us in responding to sexual abuse and loving survivors. If every church leader and member took this book to heart, the church would be a safe and healthier place.”

Brad Hambrick

Pastor of Counseling at The Summit Church

“Pastors, one of the most important and healing thing we can do for survivors is listen. Mary has given us an excellent opportunity to begin listening in a form we are familiar with—reading a book. If we read biographies of other great saints (and we should), then let us read biographies of those who have faced one the great tragedies of our day—sexual abuse—and maintained a great love for God, the gospel, and the church. Allow reading Mary’s book to be a first step toward listening well to survivors in your church who need you to be the ears of Christ.”

Rebecca Carrell

Speaker, Radio Personality, Author of Holy Hiking Boots

“Mary DeMuth speaks a powerful and prophetic word that is timely and necessary. She courageously and vulnerably shares her experiences and shows her scars in a way that will embolden many others to do the same. We Too should be required reading for every pastor, church leader, and lay minister.”

Wade Burleson

Author, Historian, Pastor

“Mary DeMuth’s gripping and transparent narrative of her own sexual abuse jolts the reader’s emotions and ignites the Christian’s mind. After reading DeMuth’s book, you’ll be convinced that we too must never again be silent in the face of abuse.”

Kim Jones

Director of Engagement, My Refuge Home

“Mary DeMuth has a message that the church needs to hear. We Too is a transparent, thoughtful, raw, and honest account of a problem in the church that no one wants to talk about. But we must. We Too deserves to be widely read by women and men, leaders and laity. Don’t miss it.”

Aaron Graham

Lead Pastor, The District Church

“In We Too, Mary DeMuth offers a prophetic and winsome call to the church to not repeat the mistakes of the past. She courageously shares her own story and writes as someone who loves the church and is committed to its redemptive mission. We must do better as a church, and Mary helps point the way forward. A must read!”

Brian Haynes

Author and Lead Pastor, Bay Area Church (League City, TX)

“Mary DeMuth’s personal story, astute theological applications, and trauma awareness bring clarity to the passivity of the church towards countless men and women bearing the scars of sexual abuse. We Too is painfully necessary and yet filled with the hope of restoration for each person, family, and church affected by sexual abuse.”

Ruth Thorogood

Evangelical Fellowship of Canada Partner

“Mary DeMuth brings wisdom to a difficult topic. She addresses the challenges faced by all the groups that can be impacted by a single act of abuse, while offering insightful yet simple recommendations to ensure things are handled appropriately.”

Bob Rognlien

Author of A Jesus-Shaped Life

“Carefully weaving the teachings of Scripture with her own story and the stories of others who have suffered sexual abuse, Mary DeMuth delivers a powerful wake-up call to the church she loves. Filled with biblical wisdom, factual evidence, and practical principles, We Too is an indispensable resource for anyone who cares about those who have been broken by sexual sin.”

Terri Fullerton


“We Too is a prophetic call to embody Christ’s healing, love, and justice for those oppressed by the powerful. It will take strength to walk humbly and courage to look at the mess. We can let go of the 30-second conversion narratives and instead sit with those bleeding in our pews. We can be the Good Samaritans again. Mary DeMuth boldly shows us the way.” 

Jesus restores broken childhoods (guest post)

I'm really grateful to highlight a post I think will encourage you from Mary Anne Quinn. She graciously allowed me to reprint her poignant words here. ... Bubbles. That’s just what we need here, I thought. A friend’s husband and daughter had come over to pick up some furniture. They were expected; three-year-old Alianna was not. When she was introduced to me, she pirouetted, revealing the flair of both her skirt and her personality — definitely a bubbles kind of girl. I retrieved two bottles...

I feel used

I don't use these words lightly, nor do I write that sentence with dramatic flair. As the 2021 Southern Baptist Convention nears, I can't help but remember my time there two years ago. It was a time of anticipation, of hope, of seeing light pierce the darkness of sexual abuse. The powers that be wanted to put a spotlight on that very real issue within the church--and rightly so. The Houston Chronicle piece about numerous abusers in our midst being shuffled here and there between congregations...

Abuse in a Closed Religious Community

Note from Mary: This post is written anonymously with exceptional bravery. I pray "Elizabeth"'s story blesses you. ... When life is in shambles, and abuse is constant, the terror is at an all time high. All of a sudden the monster and creator of the horror is killed, and there is an eerie serene silence. A first you think that silence means the pain is over, but then you realize that it was just the eye of the hurricane. The silence lasts only for a very short period of time before the outside...

King David and Ravi Zacharias — an Apologetic

By now we all know about the credible allegations against the late Ravi Zacharias. These are not small issues, from soliciting and storing inappropriate photos of women, to assaulting employees of massage centers, to the very real possibility of sex trafficking across continents. At this point, nothing will surprise me, but what does shock me is this strange argument I've heard from some: "Well, he's no different than King David." In some ways this is true. In other ways, not at all. How the...

Church leadership, it’s time to talk about sexual abuse

Thanks Cheryl Bowles Summers for sharing the video below. Scroll to halfway through the video to watch an encouraging, difficult, important sermon for those who have suffered sexual abuse. For all you pastors out there afraid to address this subject from the pulpit, it can be done with nuance and compassion. Here's an example.   I'd also like to offer myself as a Sunday morning speaker about the evils of sexual abuse (one of Satan's greatest weapons against humanity). I teach it with a high...

“Whenever you find tears in your eyes, especially unexpected tears, it is well to pay the closest attention. They are not only telling you something about the secret of who you are, but more often than not God is speaking to you through them of the mystery of where you have come from and is summoning you to where, if your soul is to be saved, you should go to next.” Frederick Buechner

I often hear from God in the hills of Switzerland, perhaps because I am quiet enough to listen to my life. It’s there that the tears come, grief overflowing from the previous year that I haven’t given notice to. When tears erupt, I’m learning to play close attention because through them I get a glimpse into what God is wanting me to experience as I heal.

So, friend, listen to your tears this week. They are incredible intel as to where God is wooing you.

#frederickbuechner #buechner #frederickbuechnerquotes #listentoyourtears

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So when I read through Leviticus, I find myself stuck in the infectious skin disease cycle where it talks about the priests looking at everyone's icky rashes and declaring them unclean or clean.

It doesn't seem like a fun job to me. (Maybe this is why I am not a dermatologist.)

But then I read about the folks who are unclean, how they have to declare it, how they have to stay outside the camp.

Then, my mind drifted to Jesus who dared to look beyond the label UNCLEAN and reach His holy hand to touch lepers.

Imagine not being touched for many years, only to have the God of the Universe reach out and touch you, essentially declaring you unclean.

But then your skin transforms utterly. Your nerves do their firing. Your skin becomes a baby's. And you're utterly changed.

I love Jesus for doing that.

I have often felt outcasted outside the camp. I have raised my eyes, but not my voice, afraid to tell the truth of my uncleanliness.

But He sees all that inner wrestling. He sees my despair. He holds His holy hand to me, rescues me from banishment, and gently pulls me into His family. I love that about Jesus.

Once I was far, far away. Now I am near. All because of Him.

Once I was cut off; now I am unsevered, connected, like a vine to its roots.

These are His gifts to me: inclusivity, community, new beauty, hope.

These are his gifts to you, too.

Alleluia! Alleluia! Alleluia!

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I ate some really good raspberries today (thanks @costco ) and remembered this little painting about fruitfulness. I pray it brightens your day.

#christiancreative #prayerjournal #letteryourfaith #letteringhislove #sheletterstruth #shepaintstruth #shedrawstruth #biblejournalingcommunity #illustratedfaith #bibleartjournaling #bibleart #journalingbiblecommunity #Biblemarking #biblejournaling

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Mind if I pray for your work this Monday?


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It’s almost done. Just need to send it to the printer! Watch here for when it’s available.

Q: Does this convey joy?


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Happy one year anniversary @mosidan and @aidandemuth. We love watching you grow and love each other! ...

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The very first video is the before jungle followed by the tamed garden. It felt good to be healthy enough to weed this morning! What are you doing today, friend?


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“You honor me by anointing my head with oil; my cup overflows with blessings.” Psalm 23:5.

Which one is your favorite?


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Writers: are you struggling to make progress on your book? Create a chart and fill it in after each little milestone. I typically do this in increments of 1000 words x 50 blanks for a 50,000 word book. But in this instance, I’m doing 90 readings, so each one is a blank. Currently I’m writing 4 a day so I can finish the book in a month.

Excited to hand this book in (once I’ve edited it) to the lovely @jenniferdukeslee at @bethany_house_nonfiction !!

As a literary agent, these are the kinds of hacks I teach my amazing group of authors. How do you track your book progress?


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I’m unskilled at humans, but this is the picture God gave me to illustrate the freedom of not only being a child, but by being a child of God. I hoped to capture carefree exuberance and forward momentum. What do you think?


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I often think of @oswaldchambers as my friend. For years and years I read his devotional, My Utmost for His Highest. So many of his words have stopped me. This is one of those sentences.

As I look back on my writing career in particular, I am forever grateful that I didn’t hit it big coming out of the gate. God used lots of laboring in obscurity to keep me close to him and tend to my motives, which were not always altruistic.

I’ve learned over the years that people with high trauma loads often gravitate toward stages in order to fill a broken heart. I was one of those people.

I’ve been disappointed many times, but as I look back on all those mishaps and disappointments, I praise Jesus with everything inside me. He stopped my heart from becoming self-absorbed and hard. He prevented me from the lure and destruction of fame. He prepared my heart slowly to have better capacity to work through any notoriety.

Early in my career, I sensed the Lord say to me, “Mary, you have withstood many trials, but will you withstand the trial of notoriety?” At first I didn’t understand the question, but I do today. Notoriety emaciates. Notoriety blinds us to the needs of others. Notoriety makes us self-serving.

So, if your hopes are being disappointed today, if you feel like God is thwarting your success, consider that he may be training your soul to thrive and grow and blare his light. We have to be careful what we ask for because we might just get it—and lose our witness in the meantime.

#oswaldchambersquote #myutmostforhishighest #oswaldchambers

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Oh my goodness! It’s real! Thank you @jenniferdukeslee for being a champion of champions! Thanks @cynthiaruchtiauthor for believing in the book. Thanks @bethany_house_nonfiction for publishing it! And thanks for the sweet endorsement, @stroope7 from @lpconnect !

Would you pray this book deeply encourages parents?

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If you’re interested, go to to apply. Dates are Oct 9-14, 16-21, and a retreat 23-28.

I truly hope you can come!

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When hard pressed, I cried to the LORD; he brought me into a spacious place. psalm 118:5.

Raise your hand if you need this to happen today. What does your “spacious place” look like?

Mine, honestly, looks pretty simple: like that elusive good night’s sleep.

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I thought I was “over” that broken relationship, but I still struggle with grief. Though I yell at myself to just move on already, it’s okay to give myself space (once again) to grieve.

That’s part of self care too—to care enough about one’s heart that you acknowledge rather than shove down grief.

When we allow grief, we end up in a better space of quiet. I love what A. B. Simpson says about: “There's a place of stillness that…ceases our scheming self-vindication & the search for a temporary means to an end through our own wisdom & judgment. Instead, it lets God provide an answer through His unfailing & faithful love to the cruel blow we have suffered."

If you’ve experienced relational grief, it’s permissible (and welcomed) to admit it. Sit with it. Accept it. Say that it hurt. And in that admission, God has this uncannily beautiful ability to sit with you in the grief and whisper, “Oh child, how I understand.”

Because Jesus understands the grief of a broken relationship. He understands betrayal. He not only experienced both, but he bore both on the cross—to the utmost degree. Imagine carrying every human offense upon your shoulders, and you’ll see that Jesus empathizes when we are torn in two in relationship.

Give yourself permission to grieve, and as you do, watch for the whispered encouragement of Jesus.

My prayer is that we can utter Joseph’s words: God has made me fruitful in this land of my grief.

#griefquotes #relationalhealth #josephofgenesis #fruitfulness

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Galatians 5:13 reminds us, “For you have been called to live in freedom, my brothers and sisters. But don’t use your freedom to satisfy your sinful nature. Instead, use your freedom to serve one another in love.”

I wanted this painting to highlight the word free, obviously. We are set free! Why? So we can harm others? Go our own selfish way? Exploit people?

No we are set free in order to love and serve and help.

I’m working through a moment where I deviated from this, where I said something I deeply regret. Sadly it’s not something I can easily undo, though I’m praying through what the Lord would have me do.

Underneath the pain of regret hides shame, and that itself is its own prison. I caught my reflection this morning, berated myself for that past lack of love, but then sensed God say, “I delight in you.” A tear formed. How could God love me when I had treated my freedom so recklessly?

That’s the kind of love that changes a person.

I don’t have a neat way to tie this up. God loves us. We mess up. We fail to love. But he keeps on loving us, wooing us toward a better life of love.

My prayer this morning? That his love would inform the way I love others.


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Sorry this one cut out before the painting, but you can see the finished product.

This verse has brought me freedom lately, and I pray it’s encouraging to you as well. “You hide them in the shelter of your presence, safe from those who conspire against them. You shelter them in your presence, far from accusing tongues.” Psalm 31:20.

Do you need shelter from accusing tongues?

I pray Gods provides that (wouldn’t it be fun if that shelter were a southern French villa?)


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First time making fruit leather in my life! From leftover peaches. I followed a recipe, basically peaches and honey and lemon, cooked down, blended, then spread onto silpat. They were in a 180 degree oven for five hours. Peel, place on parchment, roll up. Yes, they are delicious. ...

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