read what people are saying

Diane Langberg, PHD

Psychologist, Author of Suffering and the Heart of God and On the Threshold of Hope

“I am grateful for Mary’s life and her voice. We in the body of Christ need her. Her voice, along with many others, is the voice of our God calling his people into the light of truth and grace; to comfort the brokenhearted and release the captives. Read this book. Let it get inside you. Let it change you.”

Antwuan Malone

Pastor and Executive Director of ELEVATE YA

“Mary invites everyone to the table with We Too—an honest, vulnerable, grounded, and biblical addition to the conversation of broken sexuality in the church and society. It’s an authentic conversation about where we’ve been, the challenges we face today, and the hope of healing waiting in our tomorrow. Hers is a brave, open, and necessary addition to the conversation of sexual wholeness in God’s church.”

Boz tchividjian

Attorney, law professor, founder and executive director of GRACE, Godly Response to Abuse in Christian Environments

“Too many of our faith communities are not safe places for children and vulnerable people, and they are not safe spaces for the wounded. As a survivor, respected advocate, and prolific writer who loves Jesus and His bride, my dear friend Mary shares why and how to begin the journey of transforming the Church into a community that protects the vulnerable and loves the wounded. This book is an invaluable resource that is so needed by today’s Church. Bravo, Mary!”

Vonda Dyer

CCO Minerva Consulting, Worship Leader, Survivor, Advocate

“This book is a balm to the soul and a resource for the church at large. It is intelligently and discerningly written and initiates a healthy conversation over real and pertinent issues surrounding abuse within the church. #metoo”

Dan B. Allender PHD

Author of The Wounded Heart and Healing the Wounded Heart, Founding President of the Seattle School of Theology & Psychology

We Too is a remarkable and compelling book. Mary DeMuth prophetically calls the church to enter the silence and denial surrounding sexual abuse that has inflicted the body of Christ like a deadly virus. Victims of abuse, their family and friends, and those who shepherd the flock of God will find immense hope and clarity in how we are to find healing for individuals and a restoration of integrity for the church. There could not be a more perfect book for this time.

Dr. Sandra Glahn

Professor, Dallas Theological Seminary and Coauthor of Sexual Intimacy in Marriage

“In We Too, author Mary DeMuth is at her best. She speaks with the credibility of a survivor and as a well-informed expert. Her book helps readers assure that both their interpersonal relationships and faith communities are places of human flourishing. The church has been needing this resource.”

Rev. Dr. Michael F. Bird

Academic Dean at Ridley College in Melbourne, Australia

“Mary DeMuth has written a courageous book about sexual abuse. She rightly calls out churches for their complicity and complete failure to deal with the scourge of sexual violence. She also provides practical advice on what can be done and points to a greater future still to come. This book is necessary reading for anyone in Christian leadership.”

jen pollock michel

Author of Surprised by Paradox

We Too is an essential guide to understanding the life-altering trauma of sexual violence. Grounded in biblical truth, sociological research, and survivor stories, this comprehensive book will help readers wisely navigate the complex relationship between grace and truth, justice and forgiveness. Although I grieve that such a book is necessary, I thank God that Mary DeMuth has written it.”

Glenn R. Kreider

Professor of Theological Studies, Dallas Theological Seminary

“The church must do better when it comes to victims of abuse. This call comes not from a critic or a cynic but a lover of the church, an active member of a community of faith. Mary DeMuth’s book does not merely point out the problems but also explains practical steps for the way forward. If it follows Mary’s advice, the church will become a place of healing for the wounded and abused.”

Leslie Vernick

Counselor, Speaker, and Bestselling Author

“For too long the Church has valued its reputation and the reputation of the accused over the safety and healing of the victim. DeMuth wisely shepherds the Church toward a true biblical narrative demonstrating God’s care and his justice for the oppressed. We Too is a must read for every pastor, ministry leader, and Christian counselor.”

Wade Mullen

Director, Master of Divinity Program, Capital Seminary & Graduate School

“I’m grateful to God that Mary DeMuth’s journey, resilience, compassion, wisdom, and leadership have been shared in these words—words clearly written with a deep love for the hurting and with an undying hope for the Church. We Too is a significant contribution to a Church and society in need of healing, change, and a safer future.”

Susan Seay

Author, Speaker, and Host for the Mentor 4 Moms Podcast

“Instead of hearing voices of comfort and support, most abuse survivors experience silence, even from the church. Women around the world deserve to be believed, and the church not only has a great opportunity, but a responsibility to respond.”

Eric Schumacher

Pastor, Author, and Songwriter

“Mary DeMuth’s We Too is a timely gift to the church. With compassion and vulnerability, she opens a door into the heart, mind, and soul of sexual abuse survivors. With expertise and clarity, she instructs us in responding to sexual abuse and loving survivors. If every church leader and member took this book to heart, the church would be a safe and healthier place.”

Brad Hambrick

Pastor of Counseling at The Summit Church

“Pastors, one of the most important and healing thing we can do for survivors is listen. Mary has given us an excellent opportunity to begin listening in a form we are familiar with—reading a book. If we read biographies of other great saints (and we should), then let us read biographies of those who have faced one the great tragedies of our day—sexual abuse—and maintained a great love for God, the gospel, and the church. Allow reading Mary’s book to be a first step toward listening well to survivors in your church who need you to be the ears of Christ.”

Rebecca Carrell

Speaker, Radio Personality, Author of Holy Hiking Boots

“Mary DeMuth speaks a powerful and prophetic word that is timely and necessary. She courageously and vulnerably shares her experiences and shows her scars in a way that will embolden many others to do the same. We Too should be required reading for every pastor, church leader, and lay minister.”

Wade Burleson

Author, Historian, Pastor

“Mary DeMuth’s gripping and transparent narrative of her own sexual abuse jolts the reader’s emotions and ignites the Christian’s mind. After reading DeMuth’s book, you’ll be convinced that we too must never again be silent in the face of abuse.”

Kim Jones

Director of Engagement, My Refuge Home

“Mary DeMuth has a message that the church needs to hear. We Too is a transparent, thoughtful, raw, and honest account of a problem in the church that no one wants to talk about. But we must. We Too deserves to be widely read by women and men, leaders and laity. Don’t miss it.”

Aaron Graham

Lead Pastor, The District Church

“In We Too, Mary DeMuth offers a prophetic and winsome call to the church to not repeat the mistakes of the past. She courageously shares her own story and writes as someone who loves the church and is committed to its redemptive mission. We must do better as a church, and Mary helps point the way forward. A must read!”

Brian Haynes

Author and Lead Pastor, Bay Area Church (League City, TX)

“Mary DeMuth’s personal story, astute theological applications, and trauma awareness bring clarity to the passivity of the church towards countless men and women bearing the scars of sexual abuse. We Too is painfully necessary and yet filled with the hope of restoration for each person, family, and church affected by sexual abuse.”

Ruth Thorogood

Evangelical Fellowship of Canada Partner

“Mary DeMuth brings wisdom to a difficult topic. She addresses the challenges faced by all the groups that can be impacted by a single act of abuse, while offering insightful yet simple recommendations to ensure things are handled appropriately.”

Bob Rognlien

Author of A Jesus-Shaped Life

“Carefully weaving the teachings of Scripture with her own story and the stories of others who have suffered sexual abuse, Mary DeMuth delivers a powerful wake-up call to the church she loves. Filled with biblical wisdom, factual evidence, and practical principles, We Too is an indispensable resource for anyone who cares about those who have been broken by sexual sin.”

Terri Fullerton

Writer

“We Too is a prophetic call to embody Christ’s healing, love, and justice for those oppressed by the powerful. It will take strength to walk humbly and courage to look at the mess. We can let go of the 30-second conversion narratives and instead sit with those bleeding in our pews. We can be the Good Samaritans again. Mary DeMuth boldly shows us the way.” 

Jesus restores broken childhoods (guest post)

I'm really grateful to highlight a post I think will encourage you from Mary Anne Quinn. She graciously allowed me to reprint her poignant words here. ... Bubbles. That’s just what we need here, I thought. A friend’s husband and daughter had come over to pick up some furniture. They were expected; three-year-old Alianna was not. When she was introduced to me, she pirouetted, revealing the flair of both her skirt and her personality — definitely a bubbles kind of girl. I retrieved two bottles...

I feel used

I don't use these words lightly, nor do I write that sentence with dramatic flair. As the 2021 Southern Baptist Convention nears, I can't help but remember my time there two years ago. It was a time of anticipation, of hope, of seeing light pierce the darkness of sexual abuse. The powers that be wanted to put a spotlight on that very real issue within the church--and rightly so. The Houston Chronicle piece about numerous abusers in our midst being shuffled here and there between congregations...

Abuse in a Closed Religious Community

Note from Mary: This post is written anonymously with exceptional bravery. I pray "Elizabeth"'s story blesses you. ... When life is in shambles, and abuse is constant, the terror is at an all time high. All of a sudden the monster and creator of the horror is killed, and there is an eerie serene silence. A first you think that silence means the pain is over, but then you realize that it was just the eye of the hurricane. The silence lasts only for a very short period of time before the outside...

King David and Ravi Zacharias — an Apologetic

By now we all know about the credible allegations against the late Ravi Zacharias. These are not small issues, from soliciting and storing inappropriate photos of women, to assaulting employees of massage centers, to the very real possibility of sex trafficking across continents. At this point, nothing will surprise me, but what does shock me is this strange argument I've heard from some: "Well, he's no different than King David." In some ways this is true. In other ways, not at all. How the...

Church leadership, it’s time to talk about sexual abuse

Thanks Cheryl Bowles Summers for sharing the video below. Scroll to halfway through the video to watch an encouraging, difficult, important sermon for those who have suffered sexual abuse. For all you pastors out there afraid to address this subject from the pulpit, it can be done with nuance and compassion. Here's an example.   I'd also like to offer myself as a Sunday morning speaker about the evils of sexual abuse (one of Satan's greatest weapons against humanity). I teach it with a high...

#inktober and I’m painting whatever cones to mind. This verse reminds me of the lyrics of the background song, “it’s never for nothing.” That love you poured out that seems to spill on parched earth—it matters. You may not reap what you hoped for, but the growth and maturity that comes from sacrificially loving another—it matters.

Persevere, friend. In due time, you will reap if you don’t give up.
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Thanks to @littlepuffycloud and @zuzugale and their artistic encouragement, I’m going to try to paint every day this month, though international travel might slow me down.

Today’s painting is based on Isaiah 40:8, “The grass withers and the flowers fade, but the word of our God stands forever.”

No matter what season you are walking through, no matter how the world shifts beneath your feet, God’s word is eternal, and it can be trusted.

Who needs this reminder today?

#inktober #inktober2022 #inktoberchallenge #inktoberart
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Meet Jennifer who drove six hours from Lubbock to come to the women’s conference this weekend at @crossroads_tx

She got an email from me probably in 2008 or so and has been following my work since then. She was very kind and encouraged me that the Lord had brought healing in her life through my story.

It’s a rare, satisfied joy that comes when your pain is repackaged by Jesus (healing! Perspective! New life!) in order to help redeem another’s pain.

Friend, there is a so-what to your history. The Lord delivers you to help free others. And when it happens, it’s pure joy.
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What a complete joy to share my heart and Jesus’s healing power to the women at @crossroads_tx this weekend. I could share that message every day of my life. Thanks to the staff and women who made the event possible.

Honestly, I have no words. The Lord is good to use my frailty to encourage these vibrant women of God. What a sacred and holy privilege!
#christianwomenspeaker
#christianmotivationalspeaker
#christianspeakers
#christianspeakersandwriters
#christianwomensspeaker
#christianspeakerandwriter
#christianspeakerindallas
#christianspeakerbureau
#christianspeakerspeaksout
#christianspeakersintexas
#christianwomanspeaker
#womanspeaker
...

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How many listens to my Prayeveryday.show! I’m so grateful that Scripture and prayer matter to so many! Celebrating! ...

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Oh the lifelong struggle of knowing my faults and weighting them more than Jesus’s love for me. Am I the only one who struggles in this area?

#godismyrock
#seekhim
#godstiming
#bibletime
#psalms
#biblereading
#graceupongrace
#encouraged
#godishere
#letgod
#lifewaywomen
#preach
#faithfulness
#praisehim
#lordjesus
#godisfaithful
#christianliving
#jesusislife
#jesusistheway
#glorytogod
#lordoflords
#heisfaithful
...

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This may not seem like much, but it’s everything to me. I present my very first deposit to Mary DeMuth Literary!

You can imagine the fear I had going out on my own. But I knew it was the next good step God had for me. I was willing to work for nothing so that I could help writers fulfill their dreams!

But it is very heartening to get paid! Thank You, Jesus. Thank you, amazing clients! Thank you, publishers! The year just got a little brighter!

#christianliteraryagent
#marydemuthliterary
#bookagent
#christianpublishing
#askanagent
#askagent
#queryletters
#bookproposal
#bookproposals
#pubtip
#writetip
#querytip
#bookproposaltip
#tradpublishing
#traditionalpublishing
#pitchanagent
#onesheets
#literaryagents
#slushpile
...

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Where do you find hearts? ...

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Jury duty is more fun with @rockwallcac friend Patricia. Relationships and conversations make life textured and fun, don’t you think? ...

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I am realizing that God’s economy is flipped. It is entirely different than the way this world applauds.

God blesses small, while the world applauds big, splashy, more. And in this realization, I cling to the idea that little is much in His hands.

He is the One who takes tiny seeds, allows them to break apart and die beyond all hope of life, and then sprouts the seed until it grows into something the seed cannot take credit for.

I confess that I have spent a great deal of time, money and energy on artificially germinating the seed.

And God has said, “If you do all this, when the emaciated sprout emerges from the ground, all you’ll have to say is, ‘Look what I did.’”

But if I die to the way I think things should go, if I lay down my agenda, if I welcome all those little deaths—even death to my dreams—God brings His impossible resurrection.

And when I look back on what He has done, all I can do is point to His power and my weakness.

#godblesses #godblessessmall #littleismuch #obscuritymatters #befaithfulinlittle #upsidedownkingdom #godsees #befaithful #befaithfultogod #trustgodforeverything #restingod
...

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I love how these salmon pink roses change their hue.

I realized that in the busyness of life, I’ve stopped less to notice things like this. When that happens, it’s a gentle reminder that I’m happier when I don’t rush through, but take a moment to notice. And then praise the One who created the beauty.

Your assignment today: notice something in nature, then tell me below.

#timetonotice #godsnature #knockoutroses #slowliving
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I’m getting ready to fly overseas to teach writers at @ywam_burtigny soon. Life is good here in Texas, but as I look back over this year, there’s been some trauma that I haven’t truly processed. Life moves fast in the trenches.

I need the hills and valleys and lakes and history and friends of Switzerland to help me sort it all out and find balance again.

Would you pray for me that not only will I be a blessing to the 20+ people in my intensives, but that the Lord would meet me and @sophiedemuth in necessary, healing ways? We both need refreshment and perspective.

Thank you, friends. My soul is tired.

#prayerrequests #ywamburtigny #writingintensive #marydemuth #marydemuthliterary #switzerlandtherapy
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When you run into @shawnasullivan and there’s a @target sign in the back of your reunion picture! ...

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I found this verse yesterday reading through the book of John, and I saw it as if for the first time.

I realized that it’s okay to do things, okay to carry out the calling God has for each of us individually.

There’ve been times when I thought something was wrong with me for being a do-er. I’ve heard the sermons about God making human beings not human doings, and I felt like those who are wired to create and complete tasks are somehow missing God.

How about if we apply this verse to ourselves in whatever capacity he’s created us to be? My task may be writing books. Yours may be tending a garden. Theirs might be teaching simplicity to others. Others may be entering into people’s grief.

The key is this: what has God called YOU to do? Not your neighbor. Not your social media friend. Not your parents. Not your bestie. YOU. He has created you utterly uniquely, and he has a task or several tasks he has specifically assigned you. Fulfill your calling. Bloom in the midst of your already beautiful life. Don’t despise obscurity, if God takes you down that road. (I wrote in obscurity over a decade).

Trust that God knows you best. He wired you. He loves you. And he knows what kind of work brings utter aliveness in you. Shine there. Rest there. Work with joy.

Carry out the tasks God has assigned you.

What has God called you to do?
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We are called to a perfect savior, not to single-handedly creating perfect families. What brings sadness and doubt is this: we place an ideal expectation of how we see our family SHOULD be, and if it doesn’t measure up, we mourn. While it’s normal to grieve a failed expectation, we must not stay there. Instead of we let go of that “perfect family” ideal and instead live in joy today, we’ll be more able to see the slight movements of God in our families. In other words, the big ideal robs us of seeing God’s small, incremental work in real time. I hope this makes sense. ...

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Only missing @juliademuth24 at lunch yesterday. Thanks @sophiedemuth for taking a pic and @aidandemuth for his thoughtful, encouraging words. We are proof that the family who eats together stays together. ...

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I’m so grateful that God does his best work through broken, needy people. Maybe that’s why this is one of my life verses. He chooses the overlooked, the unexpected to shine all the brighter. What a promise!

I finished a book last month. I launched another book this month (it’s sooooooo much work, right @wordsbycarriestephens ?) The month before I started a literary agency. This month I’m preparing for 13 days of speaking for next month. My soul is a bit tired.

It’s in these times of exhale and fatigue that I’m grateful that Jesus is the living water, and I’m just an empty, sometimes cracked cup, upstretched, waiting for His filling.

That’s my prayer for me as I spend myself further, and it’s certainly my prayer for you.

Have you ever felt so spent and dry that you nearly wilted? How did Jesus fill you back up again?
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Sometimes you just need a crepe myrtle beauty break. It’s been a busy season, easy to reason away a walk, but I’m grateful for my husband and an energetic chocolate lab who beckon me outside. It’s a perfect Texas day. And the air smells crisp. ...

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Are you sick of insecurity? Or has it been your friend these many years, eating dinner with you, whispering your worthlessness whenever it can? It’s time to say SCAT. Why?

Because insecurity does nothing for you. It undermines your confidence. It makes you feel like you have nothing to contribute to the world. It makes you fear and shrink back from what God has called you to do.

And even when you experience success, Insecurity howls at you, tells you it’s probably a fluke.

I’ve been there. I am there.

I recently had a conversation where I let insecurity taint my words. I demeaned my own success, preferring to see what I hadn’t accomplished, forgetting what I had. The person I shared with was shocked. “But when I see you, I see success. You’ve arrived. You’ve made it.”

We need to see insecurity as an intruder instead of a familiar friend. Sure, we’ve come to adapt to insecurity’s presence, become quite comfortable with its mean words in our heads, but that doesn’t mean we can’t realistically look at insecurity and give it the boot.

The opposite of insecurity isn’t security as much as it’s peace. It’s not that war won’t come or pain or hurt. It’s that when it does, we have the peace to be okay with ourselves in the midst of it.

When life smacks us down, when we’re more apt to welcome the voice of insecurity, we can instead ask the Prince of Peace to settle our worth, calm our hearts, and give us peace.

Here’s the difference between the two:

* Insecure folks blame others for their lack. Peaceful folks take blame when needed and deflect when it’s not warranted.
* Insecure folks belittle others or themselves with harsh words. Peaceful folks look for ways to bolster another and aren’t afraid to say, “I am a wonderful, well-loved person.”
* Insecure folks wear masks to cover up their shortcomings. Peaceful folks are authentic without fear.
* Insecure folks hide. Peaceful folks live openhearted lives, risking in relationships.

So where are you in this list? Have you welcomed insecurity as a friend? What do you struggle with most? Where are you longing for peace?
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